Dream File 0001-MJ

Had a strange dream today. I was with a female friend at a stadium watching something. Then someone handed me a piece of paper. Upon opening it, it was an invitation for two to an exclusive high class something (a restaurant, I think it was).

Then a concorde flew past the stadium night sky which was filled with aurora. It was sort of a spectacular air show. The girl next to me held my hand like what a girlfriend would do. The only thing was, we were not in a relationship. So that kind of surprised me, but was happy at the same time. The concorde did a couple more loops, and then I woke up.

What does the dream mean? Hmmm. Like every other dream that I have, this is a very strange dream indeed. I will soon forget it, I know. Sometimes I feel like studying psychology, just so to understand human behaviour, emotion, action, what other people are thinking. I think it will help me to understand others better.

Just one more thing on my list.

Long time to build, only takes a second to destroy

I often wonder why things that take such a long time to build can be destroyed in such a short period. Just look at the World Trade Centre. Took years to build, but only hours to fall. Not only the physical world that we live in, but also our emotional world as well.

Friendship can be forged over days, weeks, months, often years, but one wrong word, one wrong move, one small misunderstanding, and it's gone forever. Whatever friendship you could save is no longer that same friendship you have had before. It changed its substance. You don't feel the same towards each other again. It will always feel awkward. And then you would go through scenarios of what you could have done or should not have done.

You want to undo the misunderstand, take back what you've said, but this is not a computer, you can't hit Ctrl-Z. This is life, and life has no take-2. You wish you could wake up tomorrow morning, and discovered everything was just a dream.

Illusion of Lost Hope

Would you rather live under the illusion of false hope, than to live in a reality of lost hope? In the former, you think that, not matter how small, you still have a chance in achieving what it is that you want to achieve. In the latter, you know you're fucked. You don't have a chance. The upside is that you can now get over it and get on with life.

The only problem is, even though all hope is lost, you still have this illusion that maybe, just maybe, things would eventually go your way. You knew what was being said, but you refused to believe what you heard.

Sometimes things are best left unsaid.

One step forward, and a couple thousand steps back.

Have you ever felt that whenever you take a step forward towards the right direction, you tend to fall pretty hard flat on your face not too long after? Well, join the club. Today is my day.

Fate is a funny thing. For some time now, I thought fate was on my side. But today I don't feel that's the case anymore. Everything that has happened till today had me thinking, "great, it's working my way." Everything seemed perfect. The timing looked right, the circumstances was right on cue, the people were there. Things looked to work like clockworks. And then I realised, it's too good to be true.

You ever hit a brick wall before? At the moment of impact, you don't really feel a thing. It's the moment after you realised that you have hit it that hurts. The signal needs to travel to your brain first. After it processes the signal, you brain realised that you've hit a wall and it's then that you feel the pain. At the end of the day, you cry out in pain, and the brick wall turns into rumbles. At least that's a good thing, you won't need to see that stupid wall again if you can get back up.

Today, fate put up a bloody good wall for me to hit. Well, a smaller wall was setup over the weekend. So I sort of know what's going to happen today. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. For one thing, I have had hit a similar wall many years ago, and I knew how that felt. This just isn't the same feeling, maybe it's because I didn't have that initial feeling to start with, or maybe I grew up.

There is a Chinese saying that goes, "天時地利人和", meaning the right time at the right place with the right people. I reckon I did pretty darn good on the first two. It's the last one that jacked me up, not the people who tried to move things along, but the main character who felt otherwise.

My life is not a mess (not by a long shot), but it might as well be a TV drama. I reckon I would do pretty good as a writer, drawing from real life experience. Is it just my fate, or is it that everyone I meet is like that? I don't know. It's not the best of days, and I have a feeling it's going to get a whole lot worse.

The foundation that has been set over the last couple of months is not going to to hold. It is just going to crumble away, I know it's going to happen. There's is nothing I can do about it. And then, I'm left with nothing more than a square.

A square called Square One.

Fundamentist watch out!

Scott Adams, the author of the popular comic strip Dilbert, has just written a blog entry on wanting to develop a drug that would reduce the sensation caused by religious experiences. By feeding the drug to terrorists via water supply, they would feel less about their God and maybe a bit more about other people's life.

Read it, it's a funny blog. Just don't take it seriously though.

Honda made the best of the rain.

Formula One, the only racing event that I like to watch. None of that stupid Holden vs Ford V8 or running around in circle NASCAR, but the best of the best racing in the fastest cars in the world.

Anyway, all I really care for the Chinese Grand Prix is that Jenson Button drove his Honda in the points. Only for the second time this season, Honda has a point scoring finish. It's the best result for the team, though no doubt by now, Honda is already working on its 2008 car.

The race was wet (just like the Japanese GP), and lucky for Honda, they did the right thing at the right time to score their best finish.

Honda now has 6 points, 2 points ahead of its "B-team", the Super Aguri, but 6 points behind its main Japanese rival, Toyota.

They better have a bloody good car next year, otherwise, sack Nakamoto.

Australia Rugby lost out to England... again.

I'm not much of a Rugby person. As a matter of fact, I don't know what so fun about a group of men colliding with another group of men while the ball is being throw around from one side of the field to another.

But this is World Cup, and Australia had once again, been beaten by the same team that beat them 4 years ago, England. No doubt it was history repeating itself, it was a close game, but in the end, Australia just wasn't good enough. Australia lost 12-10.

Across the Tasman, the All Black also fell flat to the host nation. New Zealand lost to France 20-18.

10 years High School Reunion

So I went back to my old school for only the third time in 10 years since I graduated. Nothing much has changed since the last time I visited the school 5 years ago. At least not the exterior anyway.

It's almost embarrassing to say this, but you know how you recognise faces, but can't quite remember the names? I got that feeling tonight. Lucky it's not just me. A couple of other friends did as well. Good thing that the school provided name tags for the night.

It was great catching up with some old classmates. Most are working; some are working towards a PhD; Some got married; and some are engaged. Last time we caught up, it was like, "So you're still studying?". This time it was like, "So when are you getting married?".

Time really flies. It has come to our next phrase of our lives, having our own families. I'm still without someone right now. Meeting a chick is one thing, dating her is quite another. Right now, I'm somewhere stuck between "meeting" and "dating".

Germany Victory

Woman's Football World Cup ended with a victory to Germany, just as I have hoped. Can't say the refereeing were good. Some of the penalties shouldn't have been awarded from both sides, I think. After the Germany goalkeeper saved the penalty from Brazil, you just know that Germany is going to win.

The second goal just sealed it. I felt happy for the Germans. Hopefully Australia could do a bit better in 4 years.