How well do you need to know a person?

How long does it take for two people to know each other well enough to become a couple? Love at first sight? A week? A month? A year? I had a discussion on this topic with a friend recently. And the conclusion is, we have very different views. There are no right or wrong answers, there are only perspectives.

She thinks that you don't need to know the other person very well before you are involved with him/her. Maybe you know the guy/gal about 40, or even 50%. The other 50% you discover after you are involved in a relationship. Because she argued, you never truly know somebody just by being friends. It is only by getting into a relationship (or being a really close friend) that you would know the true extend of their personality and who they really are.

I agree with that. There are always some aspects that a person hides away from everybody else except to his/her closest people, be that family, very close friends or partner.

What I don't agree is that if you don't know the person well enough, you could run into troubles later when you are finally in a relationship. You might know that person 50%, but there is the other 50% that you don't know about. And if you are involved in a relationship, and found out later that the unknown 50% is not something that you can cope with, then it will only lead to arguments, and eventually hurting everyone involved.

I'm not saying that you should know somebody 100% before getting into a relationship. You will wait forever for that. What I am saying is that you should know the other person fairly well first before making any decision on whether he/she is the right person.

Time frame is another issue. To know someone that well, it might take a long time, be it months or even years. But without knowing someone well enough and blindly getting into a relationship, I don't believe that it would be good for the relationship in the long run.

However, the dilemma is that once you know someone that well, you don't want to ruin the friendship that you have built over time. If, by any chance, you told him/her how you feel, but he/she doesn't feel the same way, the friendship will change.

There is a fine balance between getting to know somebody after getting involved in a relationship, and having to know someone well first before committing. If you don't know enough, you might end up being hurt, but if you wait too long, you might miss an opportunity that might never present itself again.

The fact that there is no right answer just makes finding that balance so much harder.

Friends around the dinner table

It had been such a long time since I last had any really interesting conversations just among a small group of friends. Tonight, I finally relived that feeling.

Went to a friend's place for dinner tonight. Nothing special, just the four of us, or so I thought. This dinner was indeed special. It gave me a warm feeling as we sat around the dinner table and chatted about many things, anecdotes, relationships, mishaps, funny stories about someone, things planned for the holidays, things we've done over the holidays. Anything goes.

It brought back memories of the movie "Notting Hill", where Hugh Grant brought Julia Roberts home for dinner, and everyone was so happy chatting away. It felt a lot like that. I like that warm friendly feeling. It just felt so right.

We can actually unlearn things

If there is such thing as unlearning things, then I am certainly the one to do it. The last I rode a bike in an seriousness would be at a school camp back when I was in middle high school. And today, out of the blue, a friend called up in the morning and invited me to bike riding along the beach. Great, I thought, the beach, the bike, the friends. And of course, the lack of skills and / or practice on the bike.

True to my own words, I have forgotten how to ride! Well, not completely forgotten, but forgotten enough to make a fool out of myself. Give me a big piece of land to maneuver, and I'll be alright, but as the path narrows, and people walking about everywhere, and I had to stop, get off the bike, and stroll. It's something that will take a while to relearn again. At least it was accident-free, except for the fright I gave a kid (and no doubt his parents as well) when I almost ran into them from the back.

Here's hoping I won't forget how to cook. Wait, I never learnt how to cook.